I have not blogged here in quite some time. I have several personal reasons for why I have been absent, from a minor health problem to an unexpected death in the family. At one point, I was very close to closing this blog permanently. I tried a different blog for a while last year over on Wordpress, but I just didn't like it. I keep coming back in my mind to this blog, even though written blogging has become a bit passe. Everyone has moved on to Youtube channels and vlogs and all that jazz.
I am thinking I may resurrect this blog for editorials and theological musings. I am not sure if anyone would be interested in reading it, but I may come back to some semblance of blogging again. I have not officially committed to it in my mind, but I feel I still have things to say. I am at a very different point in my life now from when I started this blog way back in my seminary days.
I am no longer an Episcopal priest. I am not longer Anglican for that matter. I am no longer single. I feel I am no longer the ideological young man I once was. I look in the mirror and see a few white hairs in my beard (I have one of those now too.) This is not to say I am an old man or a crotchety geezer. I am likely at the half way point in my life, give or take.
I finally came to accept the fact that I am now a middle aged man last Monday night. I am in a martial arts class that has had an influx of a lot of young students lately. The instructor, who is much older than I, made the comment during class that his black belt was starting to unravel and he might finally have to get a new one. He made the offhand comment that, "This belt is older than everyone else in here...other than Ryan over there."
For the first time, I realized I was indeed the oldest student in the room. None of those kids were even alive when 9/11 happened. With the Afghanistan withdrawal debacle fresh on my mind, as it was happening in real time, I won't say I felt old. As my joints popped during warm up exercises, I certainly felt older after that comment.
That's not a bad thing. I feel more secure now in who I am than ever I did when I started this blog. I read back to some of the earliest posts on this blog and I laugh. Things that seemed important then do not so much seem important now. Things I think important now would not have even occurred to me to consider then.
Perhaps I am wiser and bit more seasoned. Perhaps, I am as off the wall as I ever was. Whatever the case may be, I think it may be time to return. I am still undecided, but I think I am ready.