Saturday, July 16, 2005

Reflections on when the Hospital is slow

For some strange reason, yesterday's 24 hour on call (a Friday evening and night no less) was shockingly calm. Only 3 traumas and the last one came right as I was about to leave at 8 this morning.

Here are some things I learned when business is slow:

1. Star Trek comes on for 5 hours straight in the afternoon.

2. You get hit on when you wear a seminarian clerical collar. (this is an element of abnormal psychology I really don't want to understand.)

3. For goodness sake, never be a patient at a learning hospital when the new medical residents have arrived.
Actual conversation:
Newbie Resident: What's that?
Actual Doctor: A catheter.
Newbie: What's it for?
Doctor: You'll find out when you get to put it in

4. Only the vending machines in the ER and on 11 East stock Zero candy bars
4.A. Paydays can be found on any of these floors: 6E-9E, TICU, NICU, and the Lobby
4.B. You can find Pepsis, Cokes, and Dr. Peppers, but RC colas are verboten.

5. The Journals of NeuroSurgery in the Medical Library have a lot of pictures.
5.A. Do not read the journal of neurosurgery after eating.

6. Druggies do not trust the patient reps or RN's, but for some reason think they can trust the chaplains to hold their, shall we say, merchandise.

7. Patients can fit $10, 400 into the pockets of cargo pants with room to spare.

8. Any nurse that works in the OB-GYN, delivery, or Neonatal ICU cannot say no to any request from a patient when it comes to getting meal tickets or cab rides from the chaplain.

9. A chaplain can schmooze a taxi ride for a patient from downtown Knoxville all the way to Alcoa, TN, for $20, but you have to haggle.

10. In a matchup of man v. train, the smart money is on the train. The man had the fancy footwork and quick jab, but couldn't go the distance.


Emily said...

That collar thing only works for males--people mostly think we women in collars are nuns.

Beth said...

Though the chaplain's lab coat seems to work similarly - at least, it's the first time in a couple years anyone's asked me out (thankfully, not a patient).

Kyle said...

Do seminarians get a special collar? I've been thinking of buying one in case of emergencies...

Voyager said...

It is a shame that RC cola is so hard to come by. Luckily, my store carries it, so I have access to it whenever I want (15% discount included!)