Chaplain: Hello, I'm the chaplain...I hear from the nurse you were having a rough night.
Mr. X: I have an abcess on my right buttock.
Chaplain: Wow, that must be scary.
Mr. X: Yeah, I think I have butt cancer.
Chaplain: I'm no doctor, but I am pretty sure muscles cannot get cancer.
Mr. X: Really? Thank you, Jesus! I'm healed from butt cancer!
Take that, Oral Roberts!