Tuesday, January 30, 2007

You could have told me this at the beginning!


For some insane reason, I decided to try to work on my taxes. I hate having to file taxes because invariably something goes wrong.

The last year I used a real tax form instead of doing it online (as I have been the last few years), I spilled coffee all over it three seconds after completing it. D'oh!

Last year, for purposes of filing a FAFSA (which I didn't even need because I have scholarships but Seabury required a FAFSA regardless), I was forced to file taxes even though having done CPE in the summer, I had zero income for the entire year. So I was filling out government forms so I could fill out more government forms that I didn't even need in the first place. To add insult to injury, the unneeded forms would disappear into the desk drawer abyss of the financial officer at Seabury never to be seen again. Double D'oh!

This year I actually had income, surprisingly enough. And as I had my W-2 forms already, I decided to go ahead and file online. I went through all the nebulous questions the efile tax people make you sit through, such as the following actual gems:

Do you have 10 or more dependent children? Uhhh....No. I guess "#&%% no" probably wouldn't compute as a legitimate entry.

Do you wish to file an addition Form EZ1000/47/19J? I'm guessing no. FYI...if there's more than 2 "/" symbols, please do not refer to it as "EZ."

Do you have any income from overseas mercenary activities? Crap...they're onto my moonlighting as a pirate. I guess I will have to file an Rrrrr1040. Perhaps I can take a deduction for my eyepatch and pegleg as "business expenses."

Did you have earned income as an inmate? Possibly...if by inmate you mean "work study toadie Seminarian at the Seabury Western Pen."

So I finally get done answering all these silly questions, and I finally click to efile. I was so looking forward to that Big Mac and Coke that I've wanted all year and can finally go wild over with my tax return of $6.27, only to get an error message: The IRS does not allow tax filings before 3 Feb 2007.

Triple D'oh! You could have told me that before I started.

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