I think my upcoming ordination to the priesthood finally hit me after the 10:30 mass today. I've been in this ordination process for about 6 years now, and the last month, since the ordination has been set in stone, has been somewhat surreal. It is almost as if the ordination is something in the abstract, what CS Lewis referred to as "a dream of a dream."
But the time is actually here (Thursday to be precise). Heretofore, the fact had not really "sunk in." I think it finally hit me today as I was in the sacristy. I took off the deacon's stole, and I realized it would probably be the last time I wore one, since the Episcopal Church frowns on ordained priests vesting as deacons of the mass. Only transitional or vocational deacons are supposed to wear a deacon's stole.
I took it off and held it in my hand for a few moments, until the altar guild literally came in and needed to start the post-mass busy work of cleaning chalices, etc. The feeling was weird, not so much a feeling of sadness, but of moving on to something else. I will continued to be a deacon, a servant if you will, but am moving on the the role of priest.
I do not know quite what to make of that. I imagine I will blog more on this as the week progresses and time allows.