Thursday, September 04, 2008

I just want a statement, dadgummmit!

It's been a while since I have had a good blog rant, maybe because my universe has been running fairly smoothly of late. But I have noticed an increasingly irritating trend that really annoys me: billing statements.

Wait! Before you tune me out, hear me out on this one. I am not ranting about having to get statements or having to pay bills. That's just part of life unless you are mooching a cave somewhere. My beef is with multiple companies unrelated in any sense other than that I owe them money have started a very irritating trend: they've stopped wanting to send you actual paper bills.

What's irritating is that they masquerade their being too cheap to pay the printing and postage costs for mailing you a bill under the guise of being green. "Go to paperless statements and save trees," they say. Giving you a guilt trip when they are the ones sending you the bills and charging you predatory usury for the privilege.

Well...if you are suddenly so eco-friendly, then why do you keep mailing me all this other junk mail? Stop doing that and then I might believe you when you say you really care about the environment. Otherwise, I am going to view this for what it is: a penny-pinching money grab by companies who are already cutting costs by shifting jobs overseas because said countries have lower wages and environmental concerns.

I really hate it (thank you, IDAPP, for selling off my student loan to a predatory lender without even notifying me...but that's a separate rant) when they do not even bother consulting you when they stop sending you statements. For those of us who pay off bills when we, you know, actually get a bill, we tend to forget when we don't actually get the actual bill. You better bet they don't hesitate to send actual Bill Past Due bills at the drop of a hat.

And good luck trying to get back on the Send Me Paper Statements List if you get stuck on the E-bill List, either by hook or by crook. (Funny, if I sign up for paperless statements, I don't get refunded the postage I'm saving you for not sending me a bill...) I have been on the phone on hold more than once with more than one company trying to get them to continue sending me actual paper bills.

Try explaining to some phone operator in Armpitistan that you want an actual bill:

Archer (after being on hold for 43 minutes and ten minutes defining the words "statement," "bill," and "paperless"): Yes, I would like to continue receiving paper bills.
Man-whose-man-I-can't-pronounce: You vant us to send you bill? Surely, we can send you vill! Vhat is your e-mail?

My rule of thumb, which seems perfectly logical to me, is this: If you don't send me an actual statement, don't expect to get paid in actual money.

They never seem to go for that; I have no idea why.

No comments: