Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Well, that was vile


There was apparently a sale at the store, and my wife rolled the dice and bought a different type of popcorn. I believe it was one of those deals that could have gone either way.

I do enjoy fresh popcorn with the sprinkle-on cheese flavoring (which is really just more salt but in cheese form.)

After pondering microwavable popcorn with "1-step cheddar" all day, I was ready for some of that cheese salt type popcorn you get at the movie theater or 1st Bank and Trust on Fridays (Brookings residents know what I'm talking about). So, I started popping up this new goodie last night.

Words cannot describe the vile smell that wafted forth from the microwave in less than 15 seconds. The Rite I Prayerbook liturgy talks about "bewailing our manifold sins and wickedness."

If such manifold sins and wickedness had a smell, it would be none other that Pop Secret 1-step cheddar popcorn, as it smelled like burnt macaroni-and-cheese-lined jockey shorts. I couldn't even let it finish popping. The bag had turned a putrid orange, a color not found in nature.



I did summon up the stupidity courage to open the bag and tried a piece, out of morbid curiosity (chalk it up to Natural Selection in Progress.) It wasn't actually too bad if you held your nose, but needless to say, I placed the foul odoriferous fungal mass into a plastic bag and placed it outside the back door, lest it further contaminate the kitchen whilst sitting in the garbage can overnight.

Coming down this morning at 6AM to the smell of burnt macaroni and cheese was bad enough.

Nasty.

Absolutely Nasty.

Or, as my youth group might say, "Epic Fail!"

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