Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day

I never quite understood Valentine's Day. I find it to be the most contrived of all American holidays. I am not even sure if I can classify it as a "holiday" because its not a federal holiday, nor do kids get out of school. St. Valentine is not even on the Anglican cycle of saints.

But, what the hey. We need some commercial filler to plug the gap between Thanksgivoweenmas and St. Patrick's Day (another mostly contrived holiday, albeit at least a bona fide saint). Upon further review, I truly believe Valentine's Day is the quintessential American holiday. It is completely commercial with no actual corruption of a real high Christian Holy Day.

And better yet, its completely about candy, superficial love, and sex, with the added benefit of being able to label those who have no significant others on the Day as LOSERS. We can, thus, glutton ourselves on those nasty little candy hearts, buy a bunch of junk we don't need like toy bears the say "I wuv you," and be judgmental about others. Beautiful...it's like Nirvana for the Ugly American.

Now people buy Valentine's Day flowers or send cards to people they do not love, like the mothers. (FYI...by love I mean love of the kissy kind.) Now Valentine's Day has even been corrupted of its corrupted purpose. Double Corruption with a touch of depravity.

Pay no attention to the snort behind the curtain, it's just the ghost of John Calvin suppressing a laugh.

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